Hi, my name is Andrew and I live in Oxford, England. I have been asked to write about my experience of homelessness and the process of getting out of it. This is not an academic paper so there will not be endless quotes and citations, merely, my experience and that of others I have met along the way. At the end of this post, there will be some suggested articles for further reading. I hope you find this informative and that it will encourage you to help those in need and the charities that support them.
Washing up by the Thames
I ended up sleeping on benches along the Thames Pathway. There is a lot in between but I am not ready to share and frankly do not have the space here to do so.
For someone who likes the outdoors, it is not a bad spot. I could never cope with a pitch in the City. It is also quieter – human noise and activity is a big issue for me. My problems include trauma, some going back to early years and aside from horrific nightmares, flashbacks, panic attacks the big problem is anxiety levels which can leave me agoraphobic. I cannot face going out or coping with a bus. But I am jumping ahead.
As I was saying, the Thames is a good spot. Generally quiet overnight and if you like the stars, the sounds and sights of wildlife, it is a great place. But it has downsides. The slowly rising mist is magic when you are wrapped up for the cold and damp. If you are a good photographer, it is a delight. When, however, you are trying to sleep and the damp creeps over you it is no fun. Neither is it when all the surfaces are wet, including you. Worse still if a wind gets up you really start to get cold. Cold damp is not a good thing. I have had to receive help when close to hypothermia. Bizarrely I did not want help. I felt like I was down a well and people were leaning in to rescue me but I just wanted peace and for them to leave me alone. I would not say I was suicidal but I had simply ceased to care and that is, in some ways, just as bad.
The journey back
This was the time I was starting to get real help. Great kindness was shown to me by those living on the barges and boats along the Thames. When I went into the City to try and get food, I often found kindness and sympathy. It was quite a revelation the number of shop staff who told me their trials with mental health. Showed me the scars on their arms from self-harm and then telling me they got through it. A member of staff at a bookshop sharing his problems with anxiety. Words of encouragement can be simple but they mean a lot.
Sadly, it was not always so. Although I had managed to keep looking moderately well dressed. I got people who showed the dark side of humanity. Extreme levels of noise, at least for me, leave me feeling punch drunk and sometimes hanging on to a wall or lurching as I walk. Comments from people including telling me I was a crack-head (I have never used drugs), I was drunk, I was a nutter (people have actually shoved mobiles in my faces – they are lucky I am not a violent person), being told to “Kill yourself and do the world a favour”.
Such comments make things worse for all. As I pointed out, talking to people like that can lead to violence, anger, acts borne of desperation and even suicide. Encouraging people to take their lives is, at least in my book, tantamount to murder. The treatment rough sleepers get, including urinating on them while they sleep, only makes things far worse.
But help was on its way. A local priest brought me coffee and gave me the chance of breakfast and a shower. I felt so guilty seeing all the muck washing off me. What had I become? Another priest from the same church, St Ebbe’s, helped the St Mungo’s outreach team find me. There is an issue with counting and identifying the homeless. If you have a regular pitch with your sleeping bag it is relatively straightforward but if you are like me, with no sleeping bag – just a poncho, and you move around to keep out of the wet and any driving rain or cold wind, you do not fit the “standard model” and consequently can slip through the net. But very fortunately St Mungo’s have a good outreach team and there are others in the community who try to help including the priest who got up early when the outreach came out and pointed out to them where I could be found! They had to walk around a bend in the river. For those of you who know Oxford, it is opposite Boat Island as you head down river from the Head of the River.
A note from Expert Link
Expert Link network member, Andrew, has given permission to share his name and story in five parts, one each day across the week to mark #WorldHomelessDay and #WorldMentalHealthDay. Sign up to the mailing list to get the links to the full 5 part series:
- My journey with mental health and homelessness
- Sleeping on benches
- Getting help with homelessness and mental health
- Mental health and homelessness – How can government and services help?
- Involving Lived Experience to end homelessness
Suggested Reading
The Kerslake Commission on Homelessness and Rough Sleeping – Progress Report September 2022
CRISIS – All-Party Parliamentary Group for Ending Homelessness
St Mungos – Stop The Scandal [Focus is on Mental Health & Rough Sleeping]
St Mungos – Article In Support of the Kerslake Report
Please Note: At Expert Link, we strive to amplify the voices of those within our communities. The views represented in this blog represent the individual author independently and not Expert Link as a whole.
